Types of Roommates (Band on Tour Edition)
It’s no secret that the tour life isn’t easy. But like the neoclassical saying goes, you don’t choose the tour life, the tour life chooses you.
From one city to another, and one hotel to the next, you end up bunking with a lot of people and in doing so, discovering the kind of roommate they make. And once you experience it, there’s no going back.
Actual photograph of a man and caterpillar in a hotel room.
Of course, this covers only a small portion of the type of roommates you could encounter.
Before we get started, here’s a disclaimer that any resemblance between the roommates mentioned in this article and any band’s members, past or present, is purely coincidental. (Or is it?!)
The Sleeps-In-A-Second Roommate
This type of roommate need only brush against the bed and they’ll be out like a light.
Any conversation you might have been hoping to have is a lost cause. But on the flip side, it’s almost like having the room to yourself.
Until they start snoring, that is. (But more on this later)
The Always-Late-For-Lobby-Call Roommate
No amount of pre-sent messages and verbal reminders can motivate this roommate to be on time.
They always push it as much past reporting time as possible, and you’re left wondering whether you should just go on down by yourself and seem like the worst roommate, or wait and be forever labelled as unpunctual.
The dilemma is real.
The Always-First-For-Everything Roommate
In stark contrast to our previous type of roommate, this one is forever making it a point to be the first for everything, right from lobby calls to backstage reporting.
There have been cases of these enthusiastic cutlets showing up at breakfast, but for lunch.
Dear this type of person, while being punctual is great, there are no medals for getting there 50,000 hours earlier.
The Man-Or-Machine-Snoring-Extreme Roommate
If you end up with this roommate, you’ve got the short end of the straw for sure.
Sure, snoring is perfectly natural.
But when the snoring imitates sounds commonly associated with heavy machinery and modes of transport, you can kiss any thoughts of relaxation goodbye.
The Never-Wakes-Up-To-Own-Alarm Roommate
While we’re on the topic of disrupted sleep, ever bunked with a roommate that sets a billion alarms but somehow never wakes up to a single one of them?
Although this type of roommate has good intentions, he/she doesn’t end up getting up until you turn off their alarm and physically wake them up. Makes you wonder what they’d do if they ever stayed alone, and also makes you suddenly appreciate your Mom.
Love you, Moms!
The Hi-I am-A-Wannabe-Eskimo Roommate
Of course, the very purpose of Air Conditioners is to artificially modify the environment to a nice and cool temperature that puts you at ease.
But that is somehow lost on the roommates that think the purpose of an AC is to turn the room into a veritable glacier. These roommates are in some imaginary competition with polar bears or something, because until your breath turns into frost, they probably won’t realise they’ve gone too far.
The Smoking-Room-Please Roommate
You feel this roommate's presence most when rooms are being assigned.
They are easily identified by their constant request for a 'smoking room', based on concerns like staying in a non-smoking room prevents their bodies and minds from functioning right. (Oh, the irony!)
In the case that they don't get a smoking room, they suddenly display razor sharp wit and logistical prowess—finding the shortest route to the smoking area, scoping the hotel blueprint out to find the closest balconies, locating obscure cigarette shops in unknown cities, talking to strangers to bum off a cigarette, and other such resourceful things.
The Eats-All-Your-Food Roommate
You’re in your room, placing the order for room service and you casually ask this roommate if they’re hungry, and they just as casually say something about how they’re still full from breakfast or some such vague thing.
Cool. You place an order just right for you, because you’re pretty hungry and you know exactly what will satisfy that hunger.
Your food arrives, it looks amazing, you lay it out and you’re about to tuck in, when all of a sudden the previously ‘not hungry’ roommate decides that they are, after all, hungry.
DAFAQ ??!! is all that runs through your mind, as you grudgingly hand them a plate and wonder who came up with the absolutely useless saying, "sharing is caring."
The Orders-Everything-And-Eats-Nothing Roommate
It’s a well known fact that people tend to be a little more wasteful in hotels, than they would be at home. Bathtubs, endless showers, forever-on-full-blast AC, etcetera, etcetera.
There are roommates who take this to the next level when in comes to in-room dining and end up ordering everything that sounds edible, take one bite, and then declare themselves too full.
And in doing so, leaving dishes and dishes of food on display, which makes you feel equal parts guilty and judged.
As every article and photo you've ever seen about food shortage plays in your mind, you try to get rid of your guilt by leaving the tray outside, but if you listen carefully, you’ll hear a bell ringing and the faint echoes of “shame…shame…shame…” in the corridor. (Hi GOT fans!)
The Hogs-The-Bathroom Roommate
When you're on tour, timelines are tight. And when you're sharing space with someone, that timeline gets even tighter.
That's why roommates that hog bathroom time are among the top three worst.
Their showers (one among their many bathroom activities) could easily deplete the water supply of an entire city, and leave you wondering whether it is indeed possible for a human to wash their skin off.
Excuses given to justify this behaviour are "I get all my thinking done in the shower."
They happen to be close cousins of the Shower-Every-Hour Roommate, who is only slightly more bearable.
The Roommate-Or-Ghost? Roommate
Touring is definitely not for the fainthearted.
This kind of roommate is your roommates on paper (basically the list made at the lobby). But they’re usually in someone else’s room more than yours.
Sure, they’re with you in the elevator, and while you’re dragging your bags in.
You start to unpack and turn around, and they’re gone!
They appear around meal times again and you think you know where they are, but you step into the room to gargle, and boom! They’re gone.
You say nothing when they reappear to get ready, as you both fix your look in the mirror.
You bend to wear your shoes, and bam! Just your reflection staring back at you from the mirror.
Bewildered and perplexed, you get into bed. Wake up next morning and aaarghhh! There they are, fast asleep as if they never left.
Strange things happen on tour, my friend.
The Volunteers-Room-For-Afterparty Roommate
This is the roommate that loves to party and is the first one to volunteer your room as the after-party area.
It all starts with an innocuous “after party where?” message on the WhatsApp thread, and before you can do anything about it, you see your room number as a response. &^#$!!!
This means all the food, and all the booze, and all the whatever else ends up in your otherwise pristine room, and you’re forced to stay up and act like you’re having fun when you want nothing more than to throw everyone out and just sleep. (especially that ever-present roommate who isn’t even your roommate.)
The Always-Leaves-Something-Behind Roommate
This roommate is a compulsive forgetter—clothes, shades, earphones, books, devices, wallets, IDs.
You name it and there's a high likelihood that they've left at least three of these things behind at some point, if not all.
While they promiiisseeee that the next time they'll be better and make sure they never screw up like this again, the disappointing loop of loss is never-ending. Just like your former relationship.
If you’ve ever been on the road, or heck, shared a room even, tell us which type of roommate you are (or which type you've ended up with) in the comments.